Responding to People that are Offensive

Every day, people in my social circle fail to assume benevolence when someone speaks. This includes me. If we could all try to begin with the assumption that no offense was intended, unnecessary friction, conflict & relationship disruptions can be avoided and even transformed.

By definition, half of the population has to be at the bottom half of the distribution in emotional intelligence (of course it’s not you!). they are going to say ignorant things, often on accident. Instead of immediately calling them out (before speaking to them), asking some authority figure to crucify them (anonymously without speaking to them first), there’s another way: you can offer a gentle course correction.

Who knows, one day, you too might say something that offends somebody.

Social media is giving you an excuse not to share provocative opinions to anyone in person. You reached every “follower”. Your contribution is done. Your bravery badge has been bestowed to you by the crowd. The odds are astronomical that people said your comment was brilliant, needed, and you are an intelligent, wise, brave specimen to behold. But you know the truth. You know it was safe. Very safe.

Next time, speak your peace in the real world. Look into someone’s eyes and have the difficult conversation. Share what you really feel. If you feel uncomfortable, good. That’s the emotional residue of true courage and real social connection.

signed

a man at the 44th percentile of emotional intelligence

Dr. Todd B. Kashdan is a public speaker, psychologist, professor of psychology and senior scientist at the Center for the Advancement of Well-Being at George Mason University. For more: toddkashdan.com